So you're worried about your future?

With today's job market being unhealthy and all, you may be worried about you or your child's chances of succeeding at life. But rest assured, you can live a long, meaningless life of doing absolutely nothing, without starving or living on the streets. Heck, you'll even get a place to live for free and as much alcohol as it is humanly possible to consume. Through these simple steps, you can live your dream.
1. Prepare To Succeed
Now, for your average Joe, this would mean going to school, and working hard. But you're much too bright for that. Your preparations are much more difficult. So in order to be ready for your future, dropping out of school is essential, though failing out is also acceptable. Next, you must begin lowering your family's expectations in you, as low as they can possibly go, then driving them even further down.
2. Look The Part
Most people would tell you that the way you look, has nothing to do with how likely you are to succeed, but lets face it, most people will also have to work for a living.
Start going to the gym. With all the time you'll be saving by not going to school, work or doing anything else idiots would label as "productive", you should be able to get into really good shape. This free time should also be used for tanning, though spray on tans are preferred.
The most important part of your look is the hair gel. You must use very large amounts of hair gel. Otherwise, you look like a douchebag, and we all know you aren't.
3. How To Act
This is the most important part. If you cannot succeed at this, you will ultimately fail.
Your alcohol consumption rate is key. Most people ask how much alcohol is too much here, but that question is stupid as there is no such thing as too much. However, you there is too little alcohol; You should drink until Ke$ha's music, becomes reasonable and well though to your ears.Your liver will thank you for the workout when you're older.
Night clubs, should become your second home, you should spend almost as much time there, as you do sleeping on your parent's couch.
You should also sleep with anything bipedal, if you have a preferred sex, make use of the alcohol. If you are drinking properly, you shouldn't be able to tell what kind of genitalia your future partner has.
Living with your parents, is not only acceptable, but encouraged, as living on your own would require effort, and God forbid you ever have to do anything.
Being referred to as a "douche bag" means that you're acting appropriately. Those idiots are only jealous.
4. Call MTV
Now you're ready, this step, though primitively simple, is the most important. Call MTV and sign up for any shows they may be starting (your chances of being hired coincide with how drunk you are).
There you have it, with these four steps, you should have a reality show, and be living the dream life.

This song describes how you'll be living: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlQLPo6m1NM
Cash Cash - Party In Your Bedroom
Enjoy, people.