But a few hours ago my neighbors were blasting something that sounded so awful that I lost my remaining faith in humanity. Seriously. If this is what gets on the radio by popular demand, I'm going to go sharpen my machetes. I mean if I'm already surrounded by swarms of mindless, violent, half-alive, subhuman wretches, then who are you to tell me this isn't already the zombie apocalypse. Let me have my fun. I was also asked to write something soon so I chose this abomination as my target.
Jonathan Mortimer Smith was born in Atlanta Georgia in 1971 and is best known for his bass heavy rap (with him going so far as sampling Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train) and his great talent as a writer, rapper, DJ, producer and entrepreneur. Or at least that's what the music industry would like you to think. They'd also like us to believe that Elvis and Tupac dead, but may the man know that I am on to him!
MUSIC PERSONAL LIFE
Jonathan, is ACTUALLY best known as that guy who screams "YEAH!" and "OKAY!" in the background of terrible rap songs. His lyrical skill can only be compared to that of several whoopee cushions being set off at once. Now, one would try to question the actual depth of his lyrics and try to read for subtext, but he is literally such a terrible writer, that it is impossible to understand the primary text, let along the subtext. As his name seems to be a direct reference to Robin Hood, one would assume he has an interest in literature. However, once again, thou wouldst be wrong! I, along with the rest of those who have unfortunately heard
his music, would be genuinely surprised if he was ever sober long enough to regain his ability to see clearly
and thereby read.
His music videos consist mainly of curvaceous scandalously scantily clad women dancing (read gyrating and shaking the excess fat in their bodies convulsively somewhat to the beat of the song) while he stands in the background screaming his signature lines.PERSONAL LIFE
So to recap: He drinks. A lot.
He also does countless drugs, admitting (probably unwittingly) to several of them in his songs.
His most notable features are likely his likely insect infected hair and his "grill".
In case you don't know (most people don't) a grill is a piece of jewelry used to cover teeth. There are two kinds of grillz (for some reason the plural is always written with a z because proper English isn't gangtera). Most "sane" (quotes because when are rappers ever truly sane?) rappers get grillz that are made from molds. Our friend Jonathan, likely due to the large amounts of alcohol and narcotics in his blood, chose the less sane way. He had the stones drilled into his teeth.
In case you don't know (most people don't) a grill is a piece of jewelry used to cover teeth. There are two kinds of grillz (for some reason the plural is always written with a z because proper English isn't gangt
IS HE CRAZY?
I don't really like to answer my own questions, but hey listen to this and decide for yourself.
Diclaimer: Do not watch if you are prone to seizures caused by flashing lights, bad and/or repetitive music and mental retardation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoA-ByjIf2M&ob=av3e
Thank you for reading through this entire crappy post. Its been a while okay? Don't judge me, I've had things to do... Bye!
Oh wait, I should leave you with something good to wash the Lil Jon taste out of your mouth. Lets see... What should it be? Oh wait: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4xq9_9QKJY
