How To Babysit

For those of us not intelligent enough to join the cast of Jersey Shore, employment is always an option. Yes, I know that's like saying that the ugly step sister is always an option, but everyone needs a living right?
I've been doing a lot of babysitting this summer, because according to MTV I don't look good in a fake tan. Once I was confronted with the little monsters, I realized one thing right away: their parents weren't leaving them with me because they were busy, they just wanted to get away from them. Now, faced with this fact, I had two choices, consult child experts in some way, whether through a book, or in person, OR take the easy way out. Obviously, I did what any self-respecting, intelligent adolescent boy would do, I took the easy way out.
When left alone with a group of children, the television is your best friend. Give them the remote, and then you're free to roam the refrigerator while using their internet. This was pure genius on my part... Up until the parents began wondering where their children were learning the obscene words and expressions they began using were from. I confronted the children about this, and that's when things got scary. The grinning, sniveling  tooth missing idiots were gone. They were replaced with conniving masterminds. These kids weren't just accidentally letting slip things they heard from Jerry Springer, they were warning me. That's right, that five year old wasn't pretending to flash because she thought it was funny, she was doing it to f*ck with me. They wanted something in exchange for pretending to keeping quiet. These kids were demanding that I bribe them so I wouldn't have to do my job... When did I stop dealing with children and start dealing with the mafia?
Let them break the rules. If the television fails, the next logical step is to accept their deal. You're now only as good as a corrupt official, or crooked cop. Let the children do as they please, and lie to their parents, in order to keep making those few dollars you'll probably spend on booze (it's the only way you can get through a day of not being me). At first, the children will only be testing you, but it won't take long before letting them stay up past bed time, and eat to much candy is no longer enough.
If all else fails, pay them. You've reached a point, where you're only option is to do your job, and God forbid you ever have to do any work. So you're only current option, is to give them your hard earned cash. They have no idea how much effort it took you to pretend to work for that.
Then listen to the Since You've Been Gone cover by ADTR and cry yourself to sleep at the money you lost.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KX6qatlZXs