Manliest Movie Ever

Last week, I watched a movie so manly, it made Chuck Norris look like, well... me.
Based off of this movie, I decided what it would take to make a movie this awesome.
Character: The main character of this movie is more man then should ever be in a movie that doesn't involve sex and violence in every scene... Thank God this movie did both, in fact, at a certain point in the movie, it did both together. This character was doing insane things the entire movie. If I were to walk into an alleyway with that man, nothing would happen, because his sheer manliness would have kept me out of the alleyway. Everything about him, from the five o'clock shadow, to the constant "I dare you" look on his face makes me want to soil myself repeatedly.
Plot: Now, if it's one thing men don't like in a movie, it's a coherent story. Men don't have time to learn morals, or follow plot twists, men judge a movie based solely on the amount and extensiveness of a it's fight scenes and explosions. Men like action. (Editing Note: Men also hate to be referred to with pronouns.)
This movie is so filled to the brim with manliness, that the main character dies of boredom, moments after jumping out of a helicopter, simply because that was the least, and I lack adjectives here so I'll create my own, challenawesomemanly thing he'd done that day.
CRANK: I've avoided talking about the movie directly so far because I'm an awesome writer and know how to use writing devices, like suspense and stuff. The movie is basically about a mobster (named Chelios), who is poisoned by his boss, in an attempt for said criminal leader to get himself out of, and excuse me for using scientific terms here, deep sh*t. Chelios is played by Jason Statham, an actor so manly that the amount of time he needs to kill you is equivalent to the amount of time it takes for you to learn to pronounce his last name. A quick Google search shows that all of his pictures range from mildly frightening, to push your acrophobic grandmother off a skyscraper intimidating.
http://tinyurl.com/43cqr3o
This is one of the least intimidating pictures I found of him, and to be honest, I'd rather face the gun than face that. The look in his eyes makes it look as if the gun was about to melt seconds after the picture was taken. Jason Statham is the bastard child of James Bond, Angelina Jolie and Teddy Roosevelt.
I suggest you don't mention that it's anatomically impossible for three people to have a child together, because this: http://tinyurl.com/3ms5vwa is not a man you'd like to contradict.
Thanks for reading, and sleep well. 
And don't let song choice (Nightmare by Avenged Sevenfold) lead you to dreaming about Statham, you'll regret it when you wake up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94bGzWyHbu0
Just kidding, you wouldn't wake up from it.